HomeRound Table Negativity Thread
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MKing
Arikus
Monty
PapiChuloLeon
mi-cuit
lilith
Dinny
Dr. ARM
12 posters
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
Monty Wed Dec 22, 2010 12:44 am
lilith&Leon wrote: Previous posts^
I apologize in advance if this seems a bit long-winded and unnecessarily long.
- Spoiler:
- There's a massive drama about the whole family business, Christmas being a time of togetherness and perhaps a veneer of genuineness. This years seasons greetings for me has been a transparent illusion for me in regards to both of them, I don't honestly know how I'm going to cope over the holidays. Everything has just built up for me and I hardly doubt it's going to stay under wraps for a great deal longer.
My dad, being his Taurean self, got all possessive of me being in the student place over Christmas so I'm just heading back to keep the peace. I honestly don't want to go back, but I feel it'd be disrespectful to not do so, I mean, who else going to financially support me whilst I'm at College? However, there's no way in hell I'm going to tell him what's on my mind, that's for sure. What is on my mind, is that my "Mum's" gone and completely fucked off to start a new family, the stupid harlot has gone on some whirlwind romance and completely forgotten about me and my younger brother as if neither me or him exist. I know it happened a few months back but Dad's comparison of it is hardly a pleasant one, he knows I'm desperate to keep some sort of relationship with my Mum, I know she'll be the only Mum I have in this lifetime, even if she is a selfish, pompous, self-righteous whore. Is it so much to ask for a parents love?
He mentioned that I was like a Puppy being hit by it's owner and how I'd go back for a chance to feel loved, that sadistic tone. I know I'm old enough to not care about something that's in the past, however, it's a bit of a kick in the balls around this time of the year and it hurts. I wasn't too appreciative of how Dad got high and mighty about Mum being a shitty parent, throwing it in my face as if I wasn't already aware. I'm not trying to evade the reality of it all, I still view both parents to be as bad as each other as shown in previous experiences. The hurt from the previous incidents still lingers on, I laugh at how everyone seems to perceive that it's forgotten, a hatchet buried. Logically, I know I should give up on her. That Libran has chosen to indulge herself in the hedonistic fashion possible, not parental responsibility, reminiscent of a teenage whore. I deep down know I can't trust him either and rely on him like I once easily could without hesitation when I was younger. He's changing more and more, acting like a tragic clown in front of his girlfriend, I found it nothing short of comical how he claims to be himself. I don't even know if I can actually trust him to be himself, or even the person I call "Dad", not some idiot whose behavioral signs are not dissimilar to someone approaching a mid-life crisis. It's fucking annoying how I feel I can't rely or even trust either parent, I feel so alone for it.
Still, I'm honestly grateful for the fact I have a roof over my head, I'm able to feed myself. I know a lot of people would kill for that, I'm sure this is something I'll get done in time and become more and more independent, why do I need people like that who are going to mentally keep me down? S'only a matter of time. Hell, I'm sure many people would kill to have the practice and wisdom I have gained with music, I can keep my head high knowing I'll be touring at the age of 18 and have my own teaching site up (who knows what I could be doing next year?!
). I don't think I know many people of twice or thrice my age who even have the backbone to do something like that. 
I suppose in the end, this is a reminder for me to be more and more independent as time goes on. Both parents seem to have made their mind up and nature is taking it's harsh course of progress, it's time for me to come out of being a bit heartbroken and pissed off to something amazing like I know I can and will do.
Apologies for the rant, it's been on my mind for ages. :/
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Wed Dec 22, 2010 7:53 am
How is your brother doing? I remember you being worried about him awhile back.Monty wrote:lilith&Leon wrote: Previous posts^
I apologize in advance if this seems a bit long-winded and unnecessarily long.
- Spoiler:
My dad, being his Taurean self, got all possessive of me being in the student place over Christmas so I'm just heading back to keep the peace. I honestly don't want to go back, but I feel it'd be disrespectful to not do so, I mean, who else going to financially support me whilst I'm at College? However, there's no way in hell I'm going to tell him what's on my mind, that's for sure. What is on my mind, is that my "Mum's" gone and completely fucked off to start a new family, the stupid harlot has gone on some whirlwind romance and completely forgotten about me and my younger brother as if neither me or him exist. I know it happened a few months back but Dad's comparison of it is hardly a pleasant one, he knows I'm desperate to keep some sort of relationship with my Mum, I know she'll be the only Mum I have in this lifetime, even if she is a selfish, pompous, self-righteous whore. Is it so much to ask for a parents love?
He mentioned that I was like a Puppy being hit by it's owner and how I'd go back for a chance to feel loved, that sadistic tone. I know I'm old enough to not care about something that's in the past, however, it's a bit of a kick in the balls around this time of the year and it hurts. I wasn't too appreciative of how Dad got high and mighty about Mum being a shitty parent, throwing it in my face as if I wasn't already aware. I'm not trying to evade the reality of it all, I still view both parents to be as bad as each other as shown in previous experiences. The hurt from the previous incidents still lingers on, I laugh at how everyone seems to perceive that it's forgotten, a hatchet buried. Logically, I know I should give up on her. That Libran has chosen to indulge herself in the hedonistic fashion possible, not parental responsibility, reminiscent of a teenage whore. I deep down know I can't trust him either and rely on him like I once easily could without hesitation when I was younger. He's changing more and more, acting like a tragic clown in front of his girlfriend, I found it nothing short of comical how he claims to be himself. I don't even know if I can actually trust him to be himself, or even the person I call "Dad", not some idiot whose behavioral signs are not dissimilar to someone approaching a mid-life crisis. It's fucking annoying how I feel I can't rely or even trust either parent, I feel so alone for it.
Still, I'm honestly grateful for the fact I have a roof over my head, I'm able to feed myself. I know a lot of people would kill for that, I'm sure this is something I'll get done in time and become more and more independent, why do I need people like that who are going to mentally keep me down? S'only a matter of time. Hell, I'm sure many people would kill to have the practice and wisdom I have gained with music, I can keep my head high knowing I'll be touring at the age of 18 and have my own teaching site up (who knows what I could be doing next year?!
I suppose in the end, this is a reminder for me to be more and more independent as time goes on. Both parents seem to have made their mind up and nature is taking it's harsh course of progress, it's time for me to come out of being a bit heartbroken and pissed off to something amazing like I know I can and will do.
Apologies for the rant, it's been on my mind for ages. :/
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
lilith Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 am
PapiChuloLeon wrote:Sounds like we all have something in common. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but I never been a big fan of it. I guess things are different when you're not a family person.
I always be moody as hell when the Moon is transiting my natal 12th house. Moon in Cancer is always the low point of the month for me. This year that Moon is happening right before Christmas.
I don't know... you'd feel that way if you expect it to, that's for sure.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:21 am
I don't keep track of the Moon's movements. All the times I've been too introspective, the transiting Moon happened to be in my 12th whenever I checked an AZZtro site.lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:Sounds like we all have something in common. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but I never been a big fan of it. I guess things are different when you're not a family person.
I always be moody as hell when the Moon is transiting my natal 12th house. Moon in Cancer is always the low point of the month for me. This year that Moon is happening right before Christmas.
I don't know... you'd feel that way if you expect it to, that's for sure.
Are you talking about the placebo effect?
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
lilith Wed Dec 22, 2010 12:13 pm
PapiChuloLeon wrote:I don't keep track of the Moon's movements. All the times I've been too introspective, the transiting Moon happened to be in my 12th whenever I checked an AZZtro site.lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:Sounds like we all have something in common. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but I never been a big fan of it. I guess things are different when you're not a family person.
I always be moody as hell when the Moon is transiting my natal 12th house. Moon in Cancer is always the low point of the month for me. This year that Moon is happening right before Christmas.
I don't know... you'd feel that way if you expect it to, that's for sure.
Are you talking about the placebo effect?
Yeah. I mean, if it's happened two or three times (I don't know how many), there's no way of saying that it happens simultaneously with your introspective moods. Have you ever had a mood that wasn't like that and your moon was in 12th?
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
Guest Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:33 pm
I love Christmas myself. Yeah, I hate the commercialism of it and the frantic shopping and rude people. Sure, I get tired of not being able to buy lavish gifts for the people I care about (not just a Christmas thing). Yes, my extended family annoys me. It sucks to have to pretend to like some crappy gift given to you by someone that you only see a couple times a year (if that).
But, it's good to see everyone and catch up. It's good to maintain the facade of normalcy, at least I think it is. And it is good to give (and to receive, I might add) to those that may not be having such a great year. It's a good time to remember your faith, where you came from and reaffirm your core beliefs. We went a little crazy this year buying for everyone instead of just the kids like we have the last couple of years. And, we hosted again this year (did ours Sunday). A good meal was prepared, some football was watched (Jaguars lost) and everyone had a good time. We spent way more than we should have (about $12k total!! good thing my financial plan is working better than expected so we have paid off everything except the house).
I'm sorry some of you are having a less than Merry Christmas season. Some years are better than others.
But, it's good to see everyone and catch up. It's good to maintain the facade of normalcy, at least I think it is. And it is good to give (and to receive, I might add) to those that may not be having such a great year. It's a good time to remember your faith, where you came from and reaffirm your core beliefs. We went a little crazy this year buying for everyone instead of just the kids like we have the last couple of years. And, we hosted again this year (did ours Sunday). A good meal was prepared, some football was watched (Jaguars lost) and everyone had a good time. We spent way more than we should have (about $12k total!! good thing my financial plan is working better than expected so we have paid off everything except the house).
I'm sorry some of you are having a less than Merry Christmas season. Some years are better than others.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
Dinny Wed Dec 22, 2010 5:33 pm
I'm with Guest on this one, I adore Christmas. I even adore the "commercialization" of it -- I take a lot of joy in going out and buying gifts for people. I love the decorations and and the atmosphere during Christmas time. You can really feel it in the air. The occasional stressed/frenzied person doesn't ruin it, most people are getting ready to have a good time and bring in the new year. People feel like things are coming to a close and soon there will be a new year, with a clean slate and new experiences on the horizon.
I love having Christmas parties, they're usually the highlight of my year. Same goes for putting up the decorations, especially the tree. I put up a really nice tree this year.
And finally... Christmas here = summer.
I love having Christmas parties, they're usually the highlight of my year. Same goes for putting up the decorations, especially the tree. I put up a really nice tree this year.
And finally... Christmas here = summer.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
lilith Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:20 pm
I think Tycoon mistook my "sitting around bloated" comment too badly. Christmas is a great time for me. I usually get a winter coat and chocolate, but the best part is seeing everyone finally together.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
Wags Wed Dec 22, 2010 7:01 pm
Monty wrote:lilith&Leon wrote: Previous posts^
I apologize in advance if this seems a bit long-winded and unnecessarily long.
- Spoiler:
My dad, being his Taurean self, got all possessive of me being in the student place over Christmas so I'm just heading back to keep the peace. I honestly don't want to go back, but I feel it'd be disrespectful to not do so, I mean, who else going to financially support me whilst I'm at College? However, there's no way in hell I'm going to tell him what's on my mind, that's for sure. What is on my mind, is that my "Mum's" gone and completely fucked off to start a new family, the stupid harlot has gone on some whirlwind romance and completely forgotten about me and my younger brother as if neither me or him exist. I know it happened a few months back but Dad's comparison of it is hardly a pleasant one, he knows I'm desperate to keep some sort of relationship with my Mum, I know she'll be the only Mum I have in this lifetime, even if she is a selfish, pompous, self-righteous whore. Is it so much to ask for a parents love?
He mentioned that I was like a Puppy being hit by it's owner and how I'd go back for a chance to feel loved, that sadistic tone. I know I'm old enough to not care about something that's in the past, however, it's a bit of a kick in the balls around this time of the year and it hurts. I wasn't too appreciative of how Dad got high and mighty about Mum being a shitty parent, throwing it in my face as if I wasn't already aware. I'm not trying to evade the reality of it all, I still view both parents to be as bad as each other as shown in previous experiences. The hurt from the previous incidents still lingers on, I laugh at how everyone seems to perceive that it's forgotten, a hatchet buried. Logically, I know I should give up on her. That Libran has chosen to indulge herself in the hedonistic fashion possible, not parental responsibility, reminiscent of a teenage whore. I deep down know I can't trust him either and rely on him like I once easily could without hesitation when I was younger. He's changing more and more, acting like a tragic clown in front of his girlfriend, I found it nothing short of comical how he claims to be himself. I don't even know if I can actually trust him to be himself, or even the person I call "Dad", not some idiot whose behavioral signs are not dissimilar to someone approaching a mid-life crisis. It's fucking annoying how I feel I can't rely or even trust either parent, I feel so alone for it.
Still, I'm honestly grateful for the fact I have a roof over my head, I'm able to feed myself. I know a lot of people would kill for that, I'm sure this is something I'll get done in time and become more and more independent, why do I need people like that who are going to mentally keep me down? S'only a matter of time. Hell, I'm sure many people would kill to have the practice and wisdom I have gained with music, I can keep my head high knowing I'll be touring at the age of 18 and have my own teaching site up (who knows what I could be doing next year?!
I suppose in the end, this is a reminder for me to be more and more independent as time goes on. Both parents seem to have made their mind up and nature is taking it's harsh course of progress, it's time for me to come out of being a bit heartbroken and pissed off to something amazing like I know I can and will do.
Apologies for the rant, it's been on my mind for ages. :/
I more or less read the whole thing (I... don't know why lol) but I can assure you, you have every right to be proud of your musical progress. My boyfriend is 26 and would give anything to be where you are right now. I just got him tabs for Audioslave, but he's still a beginner. I encourage him a lot, but taking on guitar is a mighty feat and requires regular commitment. Not everyone can do it. I honestly don't know if he can. He gets into lazy ruts often.
If your parents don't sort out their crap, you move on. You seem to be doing so much better and have much more to be optimistic about than them.
As for Christmas... it's either yes or no with me; yes being yes, it genuinely feels Christmas-y and I'm happy about it. Or no, being it's just too... cheery and bright and I want to paint my nails black and blast Nightwish in my headphones to get away from the way-too-merry aura that everyone seems to slip into so easily. (I'm not gothic or whatever, I just like to exaggerate.) I enjoy buying gifts for people, and driving around looking at lights and such, but some of the music is so cheesy it just grates on my nerves. I'm more of Halloween/New Years person.
This year's not bad at all, having said all that. I'm actually pretty excited for it.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Wed Dec 22, 2010 8:15 pm
My shittiest times of the month are when the moon is in the 12th. It's happened multiple times before. Has it ever happened to you?lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:I don't keep track of the Moon's movements. All the times I've been too introspective, the transiting Moon happened to be in my 12th whenever I checked an AZZtro site.lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:Sounds like we all have something in common. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but I never been a big fan of it. I guess things are different when you're not a family person.
I always be moody as hell when the Moon is transiting my natal 12th house. Moon in Cancer is always the low point of the month for me. This year that Moon is happening right before Christmas.
I don't know... you'd feel that way if you expect it to, that's for sure.
Are you talking about the placebo effect?
Yeah. I mean, if it's happened two or three times (I don't know how many), there's no way of saying that it happens simultaneously with your introspective moods. Have you ever had a mood that wasn't like that and your moon was in 12th?
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Wed Dec 22, 2010 8:16 pm
Where I'm from we don't celebrate holidays. The closest things are when our favorite prizefighters on HBO PPV Boxing, usually once or twice a year.
I don't mind other people's birthdays, but I always find a reason to be MIA on my own birthday. There's just something about that kind of attention that I don't like.
I don't mind other people's birthdays, but I always find a reason to be MIA on my own birthday. There's just something about that kind of attention that I don't like.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
Guest Wed Dec 22, 2010 8:29 pm
Dinny wrote:I'm with Guest on this one, I adore Christmas. I even adore the "commercialization" of it -- I take a lot of joy in going out and buying gifts for people. I love the decorations and and the atmosphere during Christmas time. You can really feel it in the air. The occasional stressed/frenzied person doesn't ruin it, most people are getting ready to have a good time and bring in the new year. People feel like things are coming to a close and soon there will be a new year, with a clean slate and new experiences on the horizon.
I love having Christmas parties, they're usually the highlight of my year. Same goes for putting up the decorations, especially the tree. I put up a really nice tree this year.
And finally... Christmas here = summer.
We put up a real tree every year, not some plastic thing. We make a night of it, going to get and then decorating the tree. We have a really nice set of lights we bought in 1994. They were expensive then and have multiple settings, etc. Nothing fancy by today's standards but they were the bomb in 1994...lol. Anyway, the tree makes the whole house smell so good. This year's tree isn't as nice as usual but it's still nice.
Christmas in summer...nice. We are having an exceptionally cold winter so far. We have hit 19° already. We usually bottom out in the mid-20s in January. It last a couple of days then it's gone. Not so this year....brrr.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
lilith Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:45 pm
PapiChuloLeon wrote:My shittiest times of the month are when the moon is in the 12th. It's happened multiple times before. Has it ever happened to you?lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:I don't keep track of the Moon's movements. All the times I've been too introspective, the transiting Moon happened to be in my 12th whenever I checked an AZZtro site.lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:Sounds like we all have something in common. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but I never been a big fan of it. I guess things are different when you're not a family person.
I always be moody as hell when the Moon is transiting my natal 12th house. Moon in Cancer is always the low point of the month for me. This year that Moon is happening right before Christmas.
I don't know... you'd feel that way if you expect it to, that's for sure.
Are you talking about the placebo effect?
Yeah. I mean, if it's happened two or three times (I don't know how many), there's no way of saying that it happens simultaneously with your introspective moods. Have you ever had a mood that wasn't like that and your moon was in 12th?
I go through many moods in one hour, are you kidding me??
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:10 pm
You're a female, you can't help it.lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:My shittiest times of the month are when the moon is in the 12th. It's happened multiple times before. Has it ever happened to you?lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:I don't keep track of the Moon's movements. All the times I've been too introspective, the transiting Moon happened to be in my 12th whenever I checked an AZZtro site.lilith wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:Sounds like we all have something in common. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but I never been a big fan of it. I guess things are different when you're not a family person.
I always be moody as hell when the Moon is transiting my natal 12th house. Moon in Cancer is always the low point of the month for me. This year that Moon is happening right before Christmas.
I don't know... you'd feel that way if you expect it to, that's for sure.
Are you talking about the placebo effect?
Yeah. I mean, if it's happened two or three times (I don't know how many), there's no way of saying that it happens simultaneously with your introspective moods. Have you ever had a mood that wasn't like that and your moon was in 12th?
I go through many moods in one hour, are you kidding me??
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Thu Dec 23, 2010 8:45 am
I hate it when people are at my damn house. 
PapiChuloLeon- Title : Cat Lover
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:04 pm
Why dogs always have to be barking at people?
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
Dinny Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:34 pm
PapiChuloLeon wrote:Why dogs always have to be barking at people?
Because most breeds of dog were selectively bred for it, because farmers and land owners wanted an animal that could alarm them about intruders/animals. Wolves and other wild dogs seldom bark, and when they do, its usually because they learned to do so from domestic dogs.
Same with cats. In the wild, adult cats don't meow (same with totally feral cats). Meowing starts in kittenhood as a way of getting the mother cat's attention but they grow out of it after that. Around humans, a kitten usually retains it into adulthood after realizing that meowing at humans gets them stuff/attention. Basically, the cat's owners are like it's eternal parents.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Fri Dec 24, 2010 11:48 pm
I like cats better than dogs!Dinny wrote:PapiChuloLeon wrote:Why dogs always have to be barking at people?
Because most breeds of dog were selectively bred for it, because farmers and land owners wanted an animal that could alarm them about intruders/animals. Wolves and other wild dogs seldom bark, and when they do, its usually because they learned to do so from domestic dogs.
Same with cats. In the wild, adult cats don't meow (same with totally feral cats). Meowing starts in kittenhood as a way of getting the mother cat's attention but they grow out of it after that. Around humans, a kitten usually retains it into adulthood after realizing that meowing at humans gets them stuff/attention. Basically, the cat's owners are like it's eternal parents.
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
Monty Sat Dec 25, 2010 6:52 pm
Turns all worked out for the best, I'm picking myself back up on my feet. There sure may be a sweet after taste of misery but it was just getting pathetic being depressed day in and day out, a good friend of mine from my old course (an amazing Aries pianist) had a chat with me about making it all, I'm not going to rely on family for 10 years let alone my lifetime. A violent nudge to be a fuck load more independant, thankfully, Libra brother is cool. He's safe <3
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Re: Round Table Negativity Thread
PapiChuloLeon Sun Dec 26, 2010 7:36 pm
Ah, I hate the holiday season. EVERYTHING IS SO DAMN CROWDED!
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